Update #4: The Warlock's Nuts

We had quite the full week of training this week. Last Wednesday we had our usual training run, where we work on a specific part of our running technique.  Last weeks' featured technique was the method of lengthening our stride as we crest the top of a hill to maintain a consistent effort throughout the race.  At least, that's what everyone else was working on.  I was working on a different part of my game: trying to sweat through my tongue.

It's been a pretty chilly Spring so far in New York, but last Wednesday Mother Nature tried to overcompensate.  It was something like 88 degrees.  Most of you probably think that sounds nice. I certainly would have agreed with you.  The coaches tried to warn us that we shouldn't go out too hard, especially since we were doing hills.  Unfortunately for me, doing ten miles the weekend before had given me the impression that I was something of a bad-ass.  I mean, shit, I'd done ten miles IN PANTS, and now I was wearing shorts.  

Honestly, I was acting as if my penis had not only grown ten inches, but also a series of fins for more efficient heat exchange.

Ten minutes in, my strength was gone.  Sweat was pouring off of me and my mouth was hanging open, if only because that seems to work for dogs and I was willing to try anything at that point.  I had brought some Gatorade with me, but that's a real risk/reward sort of thing.  If I carried it with me, I'd get to drink it, but I'd also have to carry another 5 pounds up a hill over and over and over.  Not to mention that Lemon-Lime Gatorade gets a bit... shall we say... "urine-ish" when it's warm out.  (Note to self: bring Orange on the hot days.)

As you can probably imagine, the worst thing one can do when you're running is to focus on all the things that are making you uncomfortable, but I couldn't help it. I spent fifteen minutes trying to figure out the polar opposite of the saying, "colder than a witch's tit in a brass bra."  I decided on: "Hotter than a warlock's testes in a wool Snuggie."  (The reason why it took me so long was because I was trying to decide whether the polar opposite of a witch is necessarily a warlock.  One could argue that a witch, being stereotypically emaciated and evil, is more accurately opposed by something like a bulldog, or a manatee.  I went back and forth on this for a while.  One could also argue that I was suffering from hallucinations due to dehydration.)

Still, it's all worth it.  A) we're fighting cancer.  B) Saturday, I ran* to and over the Brooklyn Bridge.  Why is that so awesome? Because the Brooklyn Bridge is pretty friggin sweet, and I don't see it nearly enough.  It's an engineering marvel, and as I jogged across it, I started to see why.  After all, it breaks the laws of time and space, by being the only place in the world where one can travel a horizontal distance by traveling STRAIGHTFUCKINGUP.  That bridge is one serious hill, and two months ago, trying to jog across it would have made me a big advocate of dynamiting the whole thing and returning to good ol' (flat) ferries.  But then I'd never get to see views like these:

Tough to see,  but the Statue of Liberty is in that second one.  Not a terrible way to spend a Saturday morning.

FUNDRAISING

Big week in fundraising.  New members of the "Ah Crap, I Guess I Gotta Go Through With This Club" are (in chronological order):

• My cousin Lisa, her husband Scott, and her kids (which gets into that whole "first cousin, once removed"/"second cousin" grey area) Erin and Alex
• Sarah Gordon (whose Mom also hosted Wonder Woman and me for Passover, so double thanks there)
• Mary Donahue (who is 'Super' in my book regardless of donation size)
• My mom
• Google 
• My TNT Team
• Billy and Patty Wasserman

Two notes on fundraising.  

1) I work for Google, as most of you know (and many of you do as well).  I want to take a second to recognize their donation match program, which is pretty amazing.  I've received roughly a third of my fundraising from co-workers, and Papa Goog is going to match almost all of that, out of the kindness of their hearts. So: Yay Google.  (So in a way, every time you search on Bing, you're saying you're a fan of Leukemia.  Think about it.)

2) We had an optional strength training "boot camp" workout on Thursday.  The entry fee was $5, and at the end, everyone's names were thrown in a hat, and someone's name was picked out of the hat to win the pot for their fundraising.  I was the lucky winner - $50!!! That's because I cheated.  I didn't mean to.  They were passing around note papers and a pencil to write our names down on, and I didn't realize everyone was tearing the pages in half.  As I"m folding my page up, I go to toss it in the hat and I see that everyone's little scraps are smaller than mine, and in my head I'm thinking, "ah crap, I'm kinda cheating here - I've got a bigger piece and therefore better odds. Ah, everyone's tired, and I'm not about to take my note out and do it over again. Fuck it."  Sure enough, after the coach reads my name, this one chick says in a low, flat voice: "That's a big piece of paper."  She gave me shit about it the whole walk home.  I felt bad about it at the time, but that was then.  HOW DO THOSE GRAPES TASTE NOW, CASEY!?!  STILL SOUR????

We're 85% of the way there.  Thank you, everyone.  

THE LONG ROAD

A cumulative tally of my journey (brought to you by Tallyzoo.com):

• Blisters: 1 
• Chafed Unmentionables: 4.  As awesome as Body Glide is, it seems to wear off after about 2 hours.  Walking like a cowboy is my new Sunday ritual.  I'm gonna feel like a tremendous dork when I have to pause two or three times during my race to reapply sunblock and thigh lube.
• Total Miles: 92.2

*As always, the verb "ran" is being used in its most loosest of definitions.